Fear of Failure Isn't What You Think — And Here's What to Do About It
There is a moment I have never shared in detail before.
World Series of Team Roping finale. Las Vegas. High call. $174,000 on the line. The biggest competitive moment of my life.
And right there — while waiting my turn— fear showed up.
Just a thought: what would everyone think if I missed in this high pressure situation?
Classic fear of other people's opinions. Right when I needed it the least.
But here's what happened next. I was prepared. I had done the mental work. I had my power statement ready. So I said it — out loud, to myself: I am bold and fearless in Christ. And then I redirected to my controllables — my process. See the start, be aggressive. Two things. That's all I gave my brain to work with.
And we made our run.
I share that story because I want you to understand something important before we go any further: everything in this post is something I have actually used. Not in theory. In the arena and in real life.
WHAT FEAR OF FAILURE REALLY IS
Here's the distinction that changed everything for me — and it comes from Jim Murphy, author of Inner Excellence. Most people don't actually fear failure. What they fear is what failure means about them.
Read that again. It's not missing the steer that terrifies us. It's what missing the steer says about us. That we're not good enough. That we don't belong here. That all the time and money and sacrifice we've poured into this sport was for nothing.
That story — completely constructed by our own brain — is what produces the fear. And that story, as vivid as it feels, is not real. It is a projection. A fantasized experience appearing real.
The disaster we're dreading doesn't exist yet. It lives only in our imagination. But our nervous system doesn't know the difference between a vividly imagined threat and a real one. So it responds the same way — pulling us out of the present moment and into a future that only exists in our head.
And here's what I want you to understand: the present moment is always safe. Fear cannot survive in it. This is why so much of the mental game work we do — pre-run routines, process focus, the WIN strategy — is designed to bring us back to right now.
WHEN FEAR GETS PERSONAL
The most performance-limiting version of fear is when it gets tangled up with identity. When your sense of worth rises and falls with your results, a missed run stops being a missed run. It becomes a verdict on who you are.
Jim Murphy describes his own experience as a young player in the Chicago Cubs organization this way — his entire identity, his entire life, was riding on his performance. And that weight created a kind of hyper-vigilance that made peak performance almost impossible. He was so afraid of what failure would mean about him that he couldn't stay present long enough to actually perform.
This is why two competitors can walk into the exact same situation and have completely different experiences. The one whose identity is not tied to the outcome can stay present. The one whose identity is on the line is already living in the imagined future — protecting herself from a verdict that hasn't been delivered.
WHAT GOD SAYS ABOUT FEAR
Here's something I find remarkable. Way before research in sports psychology revealed strategies for dealing with fear, scripture had plenty to say about it.
Second Timothy 1:7 says: for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Fear is not your design. Power, love, and a sound mind — that is your baseline. Fear is the intruder.
Psalm 56:3 says: when I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Not if. When. Even David acknowledged that fear was part of his experience. The difference wasn't the absence of fear — it was where he put his trust when fear showed up.
And 1 John 4:18 gives us perhaps the deepest truth of all: perfect love casts out fear. Not willpower. Not positive thinking. Love. The deep settled knowing that you are loved — not because of your performance, not because of your results, but simply because of who you are.
When that truth becomes your foundation, fear loses its grip. It may still show up. But it no longer gets the final word.
REMEMBERING WHAT YOU'VE ALREADY COME THROUGH
One of the most powerful tools for overcoming fear — both in sports psychology and in scripture — is deliberately recalling your past successes.
Psalm 143:5 says "I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done."
That is David again, keeping a record of God's faithfulness. Remembering what he has already been brought through. And using that record as his anchor when fear tries to pull him under.
The mental performance parallel is direct: when fear is projecting a disaster movie about the future, your best counter is evidence from the past. Specific memories of moments where you came through. Where you showed up. Where the outcome you were dreading never materialized.
THREE TOOLS FOR WHEN FEAR SHOWS UP
Understanding fear matters. But you still have to show up. Here are three tools for when you do.
Process focus. When fear shows up it pulls your attention toward outcomes — what if I miss, what will people think, what does this mean about me. Process focus redirects your attention to what you can control right now. Your routine. Your cue word. Your breath.
Do one thing that scares you every day. Fear shrinks when you walk toward it and grows when you walk away. Every time you avoid something that scares you, you send your brain a message: this thing is dangerous. But every time you do the scary thing anyway, you send a completely different message: you can handle this. One scary thing every day. Watch what happens to your fear tolerance over time.
The ACT strategy applied to fear. Acknowledge it — name it out loud. I am afraid right now. Check it — is this real and present or a fantasized experience appearing real? Trade it — replace the fear-based thought with a power statement, a success memory, or a process cue that brings you back to right now.
None of these tools ask you to eliminate fear. All of them work with it. Because the goal was never to become fearless. The goal is to become someone who acts anyway.
You were not made for fear. You were made for power, love, and a sound mind. And every time you feel the fear and take action anyway — you are living proof of that.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Laurie Blickenstaff is a Certified Mental Performance Coach, competitive team roper, and founder of Mental Game 101. She hosts the Cowgirl Up daily mindset podcast and works one-on-one with women competitors in western horse sports who are ready to close the gap between their physical preparation and their mental game. Learn more at mentalgame101.com.
