The Belief I Never Said Out Loud (And What It Was Costing Me)

For years, I carried a belief I never once said out loud. Not to my husband. Not to the friends I competed alongside. Barely even to myself.

"I'm not as good a roper as those girls."

I didn't announce it or examine it. It just sat there, settled, like a fact I'd stopped questioning a long time ago. There were women I competed with and against — one a very close friend — who simply had more years in, more runs logged, more experience than I did. And somewhere along the way, "she has more experience than me" quietly turned into "I’m not at their level." Two very different statements. I treated them as the same one for years.

I share that because once I understood what a limiting belief actually is, I couldn't unsee how it had been affecting my confidence and ability to perform at my best — and I'd bet money at least one belief like it is running yours.

WHAT A LIMITING BELIEF ACTUALLY IS

A limiting belief isn't something we sit down and rationally decide. Nobody wakes up and consciously chooses "I'll never be as good as she is" as a fact about themselves. It gets written in — usually from a string of moments and unchecked thoughts. Watching someone else's run go smoother than yours, one too many times. And then our subconscious does what it's built to do: it goes looking for evidence to prove the belief is true, and it conveniently ignores anything that contradicts it.

Cell biologist Dr. Bruce Lipton calls these subconscious patterns "programs," and his research is what finally made this click for me. His work shows that our subconscious mind isn't just background noise. It's actively shaping the internal environment we operate from, moment to moment. And the vast majority of that programming was installed before we were even old enough to question it.

Here's the part that should give you as much hope as it gave me: Dr. Lipton's research also shows we are not stuck with the programming we started with. The subconscious doesn't care whether a belief is true. It just runs whatever's been installed the longest and repeated the most. Which means a belief like "I'm not as good as she is" isn't a fact about your ceiling. It's just the program with the most reps.

HOW THIS SHOWS UP IN PERFORMANCE

If you compete, you've felt a limiting belief like this in action even if you never named it. It's watching someone else perform and quietly deciding the gap between you is permanent instead of just current. It's comparing your worst runs to their best ones and calling that an honest assessment. It's holding back — on entering the event, on believing a big check is actually in reach for you — because some part of you already decided the outcome before you ever entered the arena.

None of that is a character flaw, and it's not an honest read on your ability. It's biology doing exactly what it's designed to do — running the program that's had the most repetition, whether or not that program is actually true.

THE SCIENCE OF CHANGING IT

The reason any of this is fixable comes down to neuroplasticity — the brain's ability to build new neural pathways at any age, not just in childhood. For a long time, the assumption was that the adult brain was basically fixed. That's simply not accurate. Every time you catch that comparison thought mid-run and deliberately replace it, you're not just being positive for the sake of it. You're physically strengthening a new pathway and letting the old one weaken from disuse.

Research on habit formation shows meaningful change takes roughly 66 days of consistent repetition before a new pattern becomes automatic. It's not about giving yourself one big pep talk. It's about reps, repeated on purpose, long before the pressure's on, until the new belief is the one your brain defaults to.

THE A.C.T. PROCESS FOR CATCHING ONE

Here's the tool I use with my own limiting beliefs and with my clients, built on a simple three-step process: Acknowledge, Check, Trade.

Acknowledge the thought the moment you notice it — watching someone else run, or standing in the alley comparing yourself. Just name it. "There's that old belief again."

Check it. Ask yourself honestly: is this actually true, or is this just the program that's had the most reps? Someone else having more experience than you is a fact. "I could never reach that level" is not the same fact — it's a story you attached to it.

Trade it. Don't just try to delete the thought — replace it with something specific, stated like it's already true. This is where a power statement does its real work.

Mine were chosen very intentionally. Here are a couple of them: ‘I control what I can control, and let go of what I can’t,’ and ‘every day, in every way, I am getting better.’ They were actionable and believable. I just kept repeating them, and doing the work to back them up — and years later, as I was sitting in the South Point arena as high call team at the World Series of Team Roping Finale in Las Vegas, I knew I could succeed. Not because the gap in experience disappeared. Because I finally stopped letting it decide what I was capable of.

If there's a belief that's been quietly measuring you against someone else's runs, I promise you it deserves a second look. It might not be as true as you think it is.

This week on the Cowgirl Up podcast, I'm walking through this exact topic in more depth. You can catch all five episodes wherever you listen to podcasts.

And if you're ready to figure out what belief might actually be running your own performance, that's exactly the kind of work we do together in 1-on-1 coaching. I'd love to help you find it — book a free discovery call and let's talk.

Mental performance training is NOT intended as, nor is it a substitute for, mental health care.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Laurie Blickenstaff is a Certified Mental Performance Coach and the founder of Mental Game 101, where she helps competitors build the mental skills to perform consistently under pressure. She is a competitive team roper and the host of the daily podcast Cowgirl Up.