Pressure Is Not Happening to You

Pressure shows up everywhere.

Before a big competition. Before a difficult conversation. Before a deadline at work. In the middle of a life change we didn't see coming. In the financial decision that keeps us up at night.

Most of us have been taught — implicitly or explicitly — that pressure is something to get rid of. To manage. To push through. To survive.

This week on the Cowgirl Up podcast we looked at pressure differently. And I think what we found is going to shift something.

WHAT PRESSURE ACTUALLY IS

The first and most important insight of the week is this. Pressure is not happening to us. It is being created by us through the meaning we assign to a moment.

When our brain perceives a situation as threatening — when it decides that something important is at stake and that we might not be able to handle it — it triggers the stress response. Cortisol floods our system. Our heart rate increases. Our breathing gets shallow. Our muscles tighten.

But here is the key word. Perceive. Our brain is not responding to what is actually happening. It is responding to what it thinks is happening. To the meaning we have assigned to the moment.

Two people preparing for their turn at the same competition. One experiences it as exciting — a moment they have worked toward and are ready for. The other experiences it as terrifying — a moment where everything could go wrong. Same situation. Completely different pressure response. Because pressure is not in the situation. Pressure is in the meaning we assign to it.

That is empowering. Because if pressure is created by our perception, we have far more influence over it than we might have thought.

WHERE PRESSURE COMES FROM

Pressure almost always has an expectation underneath it. Our own expectations of ourselves. The expectations we imagine other people have of us. Cultural expectations about where we should be and what we should have by now.

And it shows up everywhere. The pressure of a work presentation comes from the expectation that we need to be seen as competent and prepared. The pressure of parenting comes from the expectation that we should always have the right answer. The pressure of finances comes from the expectation — often absorbed from social media — of what our life should look like.

Here's the honest question worth sitting with. How often is the pressure we feel built on assumptions rather than facts? How often are we responding to an expectation we imagined rather than one anyone actually voiced?

THE BRIDGE

Here is where I want to be transparent. While building this week I wrestled with a real tension. If pressure is self-created — if it lives in our perception — why does it keep showing up no matter how much we understand it?

The bridge came from Dr. Cindra Kamphoff's reframe that changed everything for me.

Pressure is a privilege.

Think about what pressure actually requires. It requires that something matters. It requires commitment and investment and caring deeply. You cannot feel pressure about something you don't care about. Pressure is the companion of commitment.

So when pressure shows up — in competition, at work, in our relationships — it is not evidence that something is wrong. It is evidence that we are in the arena. That we are alive and engaged and pursuing something worth pursuing.

Elite performers don't eliminate pressure. They develop a relationship with it. They expect it. They plan for it. They welcome it as a signal that they are exactly where they are supposed to be.

THE POP STRATEGY

So what do we do when pressure arrives? Dr. Cindra Kamphoff's POP strategy gives us a simple three-step plan for any high stakes moment.

P — Power breaths. Take several slow deep breaths and bring attention back to the present moment. Not the outcome. Not what everyone is thinking. Right here. Right now. This breath. A slow intentional breath activates the parasympathetic nervous system and sends a signal to the brain that we are safe — literally changing our body chemistry.

O — Opportunity. Reframe the meaning we are assigning to the moment. Instead of this is a threat — choose this is an opportunity. A chance to do what we love, to show what we have prepared for, to be exactly where we have been working to be. This is where we actively reassign the meaning.

P — Process. Focus on the specific steps we need to execute right now. Not the outcome. Not the result we need. Our process goals. What is most important in this moment. What we can actually control.

Breathe. Reframe. Process. POP.

Practice this before you need it. Run through it in a low stakes moment so it is ready when the high stakes moment arrives. Because it will arrive. And when it does — we want this to be automatic.

PRESSURE IS A PRIVILEGE

Here is what I want us to carry from this week. Pressure is coming. It will show up before the big run, before the difficult conversation, before the moment that matters most. It always does.

And when it does — we are ready. We know what it is. We know where it comes from. We know it is a signal that something important is happening and that we care about it. And we have a plan.

We were not made to eliminate pressure. We were made to rise to meet it.

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Ready to go deeper? Listen to the Cowgirl Up podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts — new episodes drop Monday through Friday.

Interested in building a complete mental skills toolkit with personalized coaching support? Schedule a free discovery call at mentalgame101.com.